Tag: Wholehearted

Wholehearted

From Braving the Wilderness, by Brené Brown

I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them. I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 11 & 36; Jeremiah 31; Hebrews 8.

Lord of Creation, create in me a dynamic and resilient heart of flesh. And may my own well-being, and my concern for all your children, be a True Prayer that accomplishes much good. Amen

Brené Brown says that we belong to one another. This universal reality can be forgotten, but it can never be lost. Her research in recent years has confirmed to the world that there is an uncomfortable, life-supporting link between vulnerability and courage.

Dr. Brown has made famous a saying: Strong Back. Soft Front. Wild Heart. The moment I heard the saying and read the full quote by Roshi Joan Halifax, I thought of the voice of God who speaks: I will give all my children One, soft heart. Though you are fractured and hurting, I will replace your broken chards-of-heart with a Whole one–strong, soft, wise, hopeful and full of faith.

All scripture speaks of this vision. When the Apostle Paul wrote about creation groaning and waiting for redemption, I wonder if this is what we he meant– for the heart of stone to become a heart of flesh. These passages and themes are really about the universal healing of creation and can be applied at the individual and communal level any time the user chooses. Our redemption is an ongoing process and God only knows when it will feel finished to us. This renovation of creatures and communities is God’s purpose; and it shall be so.

Remember: The good that God has begun in you will be completed through the Spirit of the Living Christ working in you.

Spiritual Practice

This post is not aimed at racism, protests and violence. Such horrors can only be healed at the level of cause. My reflections pertain to this community and our emotional health and well-being. Never underestimate the healing power of your own humanity-in-Christ and your prayers for the well-being of your neighbors and the whole world.

Be safe. And be a healing presence wherever you are. I happen to be visiting my Dad in Salmon Idaho, looking out the window at the continental divide. Had a good, long, steep hike this morning.

Breathe,
Katie

Like a Child Again

“As you change and become like little children, you are able to enter the kingdom of heaven.” Jesus’s words from Matthew 18

Starter Prayer: God our Loving Parent, help me let go of my self-importance, and lead me into a full lifetime of happy childhood.

Joy is the most vulnerable emotion of all. Dr. Brené Brown

Blessings on this Holy Wednesday Evening. As I write this, there is a glimmer of good news about the COVID-19 curve possibly flattening out.

Also, last night during the supermoon, I had my first experience of hearing the neighborhood come outside and howl in support of frontline workers. Both these things give me JOY.

And there is one more. Last night at dusk, the neighborhood streets were full of families riding bikes with kids and dogs. (Well the dogs were trotting along.) It all reminded me of the the JOY Dave and I had taking our girls on bike rides when they were young. We had bikes, and baby bike seats, and at one point– two bike trailers. In the bike riding we felt like children again. The wind in our hair, the picnic dinner in the trailer, the happy children without a care in the world.

Our Crossroads Church family is reading through the Gospel of Matthew over the seven days of Holy Week. This morning my colleague Ryan Howell was live on Facebook talking about Jesus’s statement: “Only as you change and become like little children are you are able to enter the kingdom of heaven.”

All the howling and biking and moon gazing and news of fewer COVID cases is an occasion for innocent JOY. If you participated in enjoying anything like this today, take courage– you are participating in the kingdom of God!

Spiritual Practice

If you haven’t seen Ryan’s mini-teaching on kids and the kingdom of heaven, do yourself a favor and watch it.

Remember that JOY is the most vulnerable emotion of all. Allow yourself to feel JOY without trying to guard your heart with realism or cynicism– what Brené Brown calls “foreboding joy”.

As you do these things, I’m confident God will lead you deeper into the lifetime of happy childhood you are created to enjoy.

May the Joy of the LORD be your strength this Holy Wednesday,
Katie

Super-signs of Hope

I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called—his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance. Ephesians 1:18-19

Starter Prayer: Lord God who shines in human hearts to make light in the darkness. We look to you with hope, faith and LOVE. And the greatest of these is LOVE.

Blessings on this Holy Tuesday evening. As the supermoon illuminates the planet this Dark Night, I pray you are experiencing glimpses of Hope as you do your best to live faithfully through this different-kind of Holy Week.

Spiritual Practice

If you haven’t heard this new song from our Crossroads Framilycast on Palm Sunday, give it a listen. The lyrics mean a lot during these unprecedented times.

Then breath deeply and pray aloud the truth of Ephesians 1:18-19 and the starter prayer at the top of this post. As you do, I’m confident God will answer your prayer and fill your heart with new Hope.

The Light of Christ be yours this Holy Tuesday and always,
Katie

Light and Truth

I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called—his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance. Ephesians 1:18-19

“The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light.” Matthew 6:22

O my God, shine Your light and truth to help me see clearly, To lead me to Your holy mountain, to Your home. Amen (Psalm 43:1)

Blessings on this Holy Monday evening. I pray you are experiencing glimpses of the Peace of Christ even as you do your best to live faithfully through some difficult days.

Our Crossroads Church family is reading through the Gospel of Matthew over the seven days of Holy Week. This morning my colleague Ryan Howell was live on Facebook talking about Jesus’s statement: “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light.”

This theme about eyes, light and whole-person wellbeing occurs over and over in scripture. I’ve pulled a couple of my favorites on the topic and shared them with you at the top of this post.

Spiritual Practice

If you haven’t seen Ryan’s mini-teaching on Facebook, do yourself a favor and watch it. It’s clever, kind and it will kick your butt! If you’re a reader, take in some of today’s reading from Matthew’s gospel– either the whole thing or the focus passage.

Then breath deeply and pray aloud the truth of Psalm 43:1 at the top of this post. If you do, I’m confident God will answer your prayer and fill your eyes and your whole body with light.

The Power and the Peace of Christ be yours this Holy Monday,
Katie

Grief

Owning our stories of heartbreak is a tremendous challenge when we live in a culture that tells us to deny our grief. Brené Brown.

Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress;
    my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
    my soul and body with grief. Psalm 31

LORD God, be merciful to me as I rumble with my grief. Amen

One day I asked my Grandma B., “How long did it take you to get over Uncle Donnie’s death?”

I was about 15 and unaware of how grief works. I had no idea that a mother will never “get over” the death of her son. Uncle Donnie was killed in Vietnam when he was 19 years old. There is a photo in the family album of my grandparents standing in their living room with the Marine who presented them the purple heart medal. My grandpa and grandma posed for the photo, but their gaze is not at the camera. They look lifeless.

This week, our human family is facing numerous losses and griefs. One grief at the front of my mind is the grief that students and parents are feeling in northern Colorado. Students have learned they won’t return to school this spring. Parents are grieving the loss of the educational routines and teachers that support their families. Parents are grieving the loss of vocation structure and freedom in the face of changing family needs.

In Rising Strong, author Brené Brown describes the three most foundational elements of grief that emerged from her studies: loss, longing, and feeling lost. We are experiencing all of this.

Spiritual Practice

Since we live in a culture that has no patience for grief, and since rumbling with grief is crucial to the rising strong process… Please give yourself the gift of acknowledging your grief. Read Psalm 31. Like the psalmist did, talk it out with God verbally or in writing.

If you would like to talk to a pastor or trained volunteer, please contact us at Crossroads Church. Call 970-203-9201, and ask for Perry. We have skilled, trustworthy people who can walk with you in your grief for as long as you like.

Wholehearted

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
    and do not rely on your own insight.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

This weekend, Ryan Howell and the Crossroads team talked about the heart. Ryan did a great job of explaining how the Hebrew imagination understood the heart as having four dimensions: thinking, feeling, choosing and behaving. The biblical writers carried this view of the heart forward through the teachings of Jesus, Paul and others.

Fast forward to today, and the Hebrew way of understanding the heart maps perfectly with the research findings of Dr. Brené Brown and the Daring Way™ community.

The research shows that people who go through really hard things and grow emotionally, spiritually and relationally are people who are in touch with the various parts of their hearts. Another way of saying this is that emotionally resilient people understand themselves really well. They are able to observe themselves thinking, feeling and acting. And! They take responsibility for choosing their thoughts, feelings and actions. Because of these skills, they trust themselves. And this knowing of self ,and trusting self, also aids us in knowing and trusting God and creating a circle of trust in our important relationships.

This may sound a bit too theological, metaphysical and analytical for some. But the good news is that we can cultivate whole-heartedness without much knowledge or interest in the scholarly aspects of this topic.

If the wholehearted self is a combination of our thinking, feeling, choosing and doing-selves, we ought to get to know each of these selves! This means spending time and talking with ourselves and God about our thoughts, feelings, choice-making and actions. This is totally doable, and you can start growing today.

Spiritual Practice:

Read Proverbs, Chapter 3:1-8. Sit silently, breath, relax… When you’re feeling centered and present with yourself and your physical surroundings, try the following exercise.

Identify an uncomfortable emotion or experience you’ve had in the past few days, and write, pray or talk about the following prompts:

  1. I’m physically feeling _____________. Ask: How is my body responding? Where am I physically feeling this? (Common bodily responses include: accelerated pulse, dry mouth, tight throat, discomfort in your head or stomach…)
  2. I’m thinking ________________. Ask: Is there a thought constantly looping in my mind? What’s my go-to thought process?
  3. I do / I act ___________________. Ask: What’s the first thing I want to do? What’s the only thing I want to do?

This exercise will put you in touch with all the parts of your heart! As we get to know these parts of ourselves, we become what is called—integrated beings. And we become more and more able to redirect our feelings, thoughts and actions. That self-regulation is what is meant by choices—or “the will.”

Thomas Merton writes that the concept of “the heart” refers to the deepest psychological ground of one’s personality, the inner sanctuary where one’s self-awareness goes beyond analytical reflection and opens out into union with God.

Friends, our hearts never stop growing and changing. How exciting to think that we can be a vital part of that process.

More on this tomorrow evening. It’s so important during this uncertain season of our life together.

Have a blessed evening; and rest safely,
Katie

Courage That Cares (Day 21)

When we stop caring what people think, we lose our capacity for connection. But when we are defined by what people think, we lose the courage to be vulnerable. Brené Brown

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Psalm 23:5

As we practice the rising strong process, we will encounter the gap between our own strength and the emotionally resilient person we long to be.

In Psalm 23, the shepherd-king David poetically bridges this gap. He describes what it feels like to walk through life as a vulnerable human being AND also one who is deeply connected to God’s strength. It’s like being fed and cared for when you’re tired. It’s like going through death and darkness, while tethered to God’s light and life. It’s like God affirming you out loud in front of your critics and enemies.

In Rising Strong, the author describes a healthy pathway for dealing with the critics in our lives. It’s not as simple as NOT caring what people think. Criticism hurts; and sadly both loved ones and strangers will attempt to control us with criticism. We might try the tactic of “I don’t care what you think”, but that’s actually a form of emotional armor that will fail us. For me, the armor fails when I’m tired, my heart opens up and suddenly the hurt rushes in.

Brené Brown writes in Chapter 10:

When we stop caring what people think, we lose our capacity for connection. But when we are defined by what people think, we lose the courage to be vulnerable. The solution is getting totally clear on the people whose opinions actually matter. On a one-inch-by-one-inch square of paper, I want you to write down the names of the people who really matter. This is a sacred little space. If you have more names than can fit on a square this size, you need to edit. These should be the people who love you not despite your imperfections and vulnerabilities, but because of them. When you’re facedown in the arena, these are the folks who will pick you up and confirm that the fall totally sucked, then remind you that you’re brave and they’ll be there to dust you off the next time. You should also include the people who are brave enough to say “I disagree” or “I think you’re wrong,” and who will question you when they see you acting outside of your values. I carry my square in my wallet.

I’ve learned that spiritual strength is something God forges in us as we do spiritual practices. The 1×1 square paper exercise is a spiritual practice for staying connected in the midst of criticism. So is meditating on Psalm 23, especially verse 5.

Bible scholar Howard Macy writes: In subtle and even surprising ways [The Psalms] show us the “real world,” they draw us ever steadily toward authentic wholeness, and they bring us to see and delight in the God who is with us.

So, who are the people on your 1×1 square and why?

Now picture yourself seated at the foot of a long dinner table with your trusted people seated on your right and left and God (Parent God, Sibling Jesus or Holy Spirit) at the head. The critics in your life are also at the table, but God and your trusted friends are in charge of this dinner, and God has provided food, drink and a place of belonging for everyone.

How do you feel about this picture? In what ways does it change your view of being criticized?

Starter Prayer

LORD God, help me get clear about the people whose opinions really matter.

Reading Focus for Rising Strong, by Brené Brown

We are moving into week 4, of this 6-week study. The focus is Chapters 7-8 of Rising Strong. The topics are: Rumbling with difficult emotions and human need.

True Power (Day 16)

We must take off the armor, put down the weapons, show up, and let ourselves be seen. Brené Brown.

And being found in human form, he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death—even death on a cross. Therefore God also highly exalted him and gave him the name that is above every name. (Philippians 9)

People in the ancient world revered Alexander the Great (356-323 BC) as divine. In his twenties, Alexander ruled Greece and conquered the rest of the world. In Paul’s day, the culture divinized the emperor Augustus, who ended Roman civil war and brought peace to the whole known world. Other leaders copied the formula: military might and organizational genius make for god-like leadership.

Historical context makes sense of the poem in Philippians 2. It’s a summary of Paul’s gospel message about Jesus of Nazareth whose death and resurrection prove that he is the world’s only true Lord. For Paul, Christ is the true reality, and Alexander and Augustus are imposters. Jesus taught this truth: Worldly rulers lord it over others, but you must be different. With the children of God, the great ones are also the servants, and whoever is highly gifted must be the slave of all; because the Son of Man came to serve and give his life to free many. (Mark 10:42-45)

Most people in Paul’s world were shocked at the idea that God’s power works through our vulnerability rather than our certainties. People in our world find this difficult as well. In every age, religious people are trapped in false (and dangerous) pictures of God and power.

Understandably, this picture of vulnerability is quite a challenge: God is best understood in the person of Christ Jesus who clearly demonstrated a new pattern of thought and action—put down your armor and function out of humility. Really? The message is so threatening to false power that religious people will detach themselves from the real meaning of Philippians 2 and make it about correct beliefs getting them onto the winning team.

Part of the rising strong process is the task of reclaiming childlike vulnerability (also a Jesus teaching). There is a passage in Daring Greatly that summarizes this well:

As children we found ways to protect ourselves from vulnerability, from being hurt, diminished, and disappointed. We put on armor; we used our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors as weapons; and we learned how to make ourselves scarce, even to disappear. Now as adults we realize that to live with courage, purpose, and connection—to be the person whom we long to be—we must again be vulnerable. We must take off the armor, put down the weapons, show up, and let ourselves be seen. Brené Brown.

This is what we are learning to do as we rumble with difficult emotions in the rising strong process. The Rumble is where we learn how to engage with our difficult emotions rather than using them against ourselves and others.   

Starter Prayer

LORD God, help me to understand true humility and rejoice in the power of vulnerability.

Reading Focus for Rising Strong, by Brené Brown

We are beginning week three, of this 6-week study. The focus is Chapters 5-6 of Rising Strong. The topics are: The Rumble, and Living BIG (Boundaries, Integrity and Generosity).

You Are Not Alone (Day 15)

Empathy has no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgement, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of ‘You’re not alone’. Brené Brown

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. The Apostle Paul (Philippians 2:5-7)

I staggered into the hotel coffee shop at 6am, unsure of how I would face another day or another person. I had been so excited about leading this two-day conference. Attendance had double from the previous year. Likeminded people were coming together to learn and grow. But the previous day had been a logistical train wreck. Equipment failed, tech bombed, a musician was sick and the speaker ran way over time.

I hadn’t slept all night, and there was my ‘boss’ right in front of me at the espresso bar. She said hello, and I said: I’m sorry; that was a disaster. She didn’t say, “no worries.” She didn’t say, “I hope today goes better.”

Instead she said, “Things like this happen. When they happen to me I feel awful. Every leader has been where you are now, facing a big day after a hard day. We’re in this together, and you’re not alone.”

I had never heard such comforting words. My colleague didn’t give me advice, didn’t judge my performance, didn’t feel sorry for me or herself. She convinced me that she understood what I was experiencing and feeling and that she would not turn away.

Our conversation changed my perspective then and now. Prior to this healing, I had no category for the transformative power of empathy. I thought that leadership and parenting are a lot about helping people grow. But I’d never considered sitting next to someone as a means of helping them grow in wisdom. I’d had many compassionate moments with hurting people, but I didn’t realize that with empathy, the medium IS the message. I didn’t realize that empathy is a powerful tool of compassion that helps people rise.

Jesus was compassionate and empathetic. Compassionate: He recognized the light and dark in our shared humanity and he was kind to himself and others in the face of great suffering. Empathetic: He had the emotional skill to respond to others with genuine understanding and caring. He didn’t feel our emotions for us, but he felt our pain with us. Jesus stuck with us to the bitter end, never leaving or forsaking.

When we see another person suffering, we can walk away, we can feel sorry for them and express sympathy from a place of separatness , or we can be like Doreen and Jesus. We can say: As a fellow human being, I understand how you feel; and you are not alone.

Starter Prayer

LORD God, help me to empty myself of the tools of judgment, comparison and sympathy. Fill me with true compassion, and teach me the skill of empathy.

Reading Focus for Rising Strong, by Brené Brown

We are beginning week three, of this 6-week study. The focus is Chapters 5-6 of Rising Strong. The topics are: The Rumble, and learning to live BIG (boundaries, integrity and generosity).

Sleep and Play (Day 14)

If we want to live a Wholehearted life, we have to become intentional about cultivating sleep and play, and about letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth. Brené Brown

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside still waters; he restores my soul. He leads me in right paths for his name’s sake. Psalm 23

In The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown develops the Ten Guideposts for Wholehearted Living. #7 is Cultivating Play and Rest. In her research she found that the ‘oddballs’ she calls ‘the Wholehearted’ have a secret: They prioritize rest and fun in their lives.

The 23rd Psalm celebrates the same secret. The poet describes God as a wise shepherd who knows where the green pastures are from season to season. God leads us right to them. God also knows when it time to stop working and restore energy by a cool stream. God provides what we need in a way that is not only adequate– it’s generous.

From time to time I follow Brown’s advice and update my “ingredients for joy and meaning” list. Today, I’m going to make a fresh list of the specific conditions that are in place when everything feels good in my life. Then I’ll check that list against my to-do list and my list of goals. The results are always surprising.

What about you? It’s lunacy for us to head out on an adventure like Rising Strong without a deliberate life plan for rest and enjoyment. So how about it? Who will join me by making a list of your “ingredients for joy and meaning” in life?

Starter Prayer

LORD God, lead me on the right path for Wholehearted living. Help me integrate the hard work of Rising Strong with the gift of being well loved.

Reading Focus for Rising Strong, by Brené Brown

We are well into week two, and heading into week three, of this 6-week study. The focus is Chapters 4-5 of Rising Strong. The topics are: Reckoning with emotion, the rumble and Living BIG.